At this point in time it
appears that the Liberals have decided to pull their support
from the Conservative minority government which will likely
precipitate an election.
The objective of this
website is not to tell you how to vote. I don't belong to any political
party. My objective is to search out bullshit and suggest a
better way.
Problem 1 The
Canadian System seems unable to produce a majority government
because of the number of political parties in the
system.
Solution 1 If a
majority in the election is not obtained the party with the
fewest elected candidates drops out and a run off election is
held. This is repeated until such time as the majority
government is elected. The run off would be held one week
after the first vote is counted.
Problem 2 Parties
have been elected based on election lies and when then get
into power the only way they can get kicked out is by a
parliamentary vote.
Solution 2 Recall
Procedure implemented where a critical mass of voters can
recall the government and result in a new election. The
critical mass to equal 51% of the people who actually voted in
the election.
Problem 3 The best
people do not serve as Ministers because of a requirement to
achieve representation along gender and provincial lines.
Solution 3 Appoint
Ministers from the best candidates.
Problem 4 The
House of Commons is experiencing childish non productive
behaviour.
Solution 4 Appoint
an Assistant Speaker who will act as a Sheriff and apply fines
to MPs who act out. The Assistant Speaker should be a
grandmother. The fines can be as high as forfeiture of wages
for that day. The funds will be transferred over to the EI
Account.
Problem 5 You
realize that you can't in all good conscious vote for any of
the candidates.
Solution 5 Don't
vote. But remember you can't complain about who gets in.
In a surprise move Prime
Minister Stephen Harper has requested the permission of her Excellency
the Governor General to turn MP's into Perogies.
Her Excellency suffering
from Jet Lag and a head ache agreed. A transcript of the
conversation follows:
PM Good
Morning Your Excellency
GG Hello
Mr. Dion
PM Ahhhh
it's Mr. Harper Your Excellency
CG Sorry
I just got off the plane and my head is a bit buzzy
PM Ohhhhh
thats good!
GG Whats
that?
PM Oh
nothing
GG Why
are you here anyway do you want any coffee?
PM Black
no sugar and are there any Tim Bits
GG We
usually save the Tim Bits for Foreign Heads of State
PM Starts
to cry
GG Oh OK
you can have a couple of Tim Bits
PM Just
two?
GG How
many do you want
PM The
whole box
GG No
PM Ok
half the box
GG No
PM Could
I have five then?
GG You
can have four.
PM
OK
GG Why
are you here then?
PM I want
to turn the House of Commons into a Perogie
GG Why
don't you turn it into a Chocolate Milkshake?
PM No I
want a Perogie
GG No
PM Starts
to cry
GG FOR
PETES SAKES MR. DION! OK OK Already.
PM
"It's Harper your Excellency"
GG Sorry
my head is a bit buzzy. Jet lag you know.
PM I had
that for a month once
GG Your
head was a bit buzzy for a month!?
PM six
weeks actually
GG Do you
like my new shoes. Aren't they cute!
PM You
have big feet
GG All
the better to plant my foot up your (potty talk deleted)
PM Sorry
I mis spoke.
GG Ok
then here are your Tim Bits
PM Eats
them in two gulps
GG WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!
PM Burps
PM Sorry
Your Excellency I was really hungry.
GG You
inhaled those tim bits!
PM Yes I
did are there any more
GG No not
for you
PM So can
I turn the House into a Perogie?
GG I
don't care
PM Do you
have a bathroom. All this coffee. I need to pee.
GG Points
to bathroom -Third on your left
PM Comes
back 45 minutes later
GG What
on earth took you so long
PM I was
reading the newspaper you have in the bathroom
GG I
don't believe this!
PM
All this is private right
GG Yes. I
guess so. Sure why not
PM I need
to go now
GG
Again!!!? what is wrong with you Mr. Dion??
PM Its
Harper actually - No I need to go back to work.
GG
Good See Ya!
PM Ahhhh
I smell fresh Tim Bits!
GG We get
them delivered fresh each day!
PM I
guess I could stay a while longer
GG I
thought you said you had to get back to work
PM It can
wait
GG Oh I
get it you want more Timmy's
PM yes
GG This
is getting Silly
PM Starts
to pout
GG OH FOR
PETE'S SAKES GIVE HIM SOME MORE TIM BITS!!
PM Eats
six of them
GG You
are going to get fat again
PM They
won't feed me at home
GG Ok you
can have three more but then you need to go
PM Deal
PM I like
your shoes
GG Ok
give him another three
GG You
know you really are a case.
GG I am
not surprised they can't stand you
PM I will
try to be a better man
GG You
better or no more Tim Bits for you
PM Deal
GG Well
(looks at watch) Its about time for you to leave. Bye (gets up
and walks out of room)
PM Stays
for five minutes finishes off the rest of the Tim Bits, wipes
mouth of crumbs and goes outside to talk to the press.
GG to
staff - here send this tape to Capt Ron at CanadianBullshit.com
