I didn't get to where I am today by being stupid. I make my own salsa. Let me show you how to save hundreds of dollars by doing yourself in three minutes!
If you buy salsa you are stupid. Salsa you see, is a bullshit product. It's as simple as that and I should just stop there. But I won't. I hope I have not offended you. I know some people are sensitive. Trust me there is a reason for this. We can fix this problem and save you money. Please read on....
I will actually show you how to make salsa. Not just any salsa - great salsa! A trained puppy could do it. You need a food processor. You can purchase one at a thrift shop for about $5. Grab it and plug it in. Go fetch a couple of fresh tomatoes and an onion. Get some salt and pepper to taste and some oregano and garlic if you like it. Turn on the food processor and start adding the ingredients. If you want it hot add a jalapeno pepper. Toss in a bit of red wine vinegar and olive oil. Presto you have salsa. It should take you about three minutes to make it. It will be fresh and tasty. It won't have any funny chemicals or a ton of sodium in it and it won't have been sitting on the shelf for six months slowly rotting.
You can add more things (like green peppers or celery or just about anything you want to) to the "recipe" and you can make it the same every time or a little different. The cost will be a minimum of half of what you would pay in a store for the processed product and will taste much better and be better for you nutritionally. You may notice that it won't be as red as the store bought product and that's because there are no food dyes in it! But it will taste better. You will marvel at the fresh taste! Your taste buds will explode! (ok you know what I mean)
Isn't this yummy? enough vitamins to choke a horse!
The salsa industry in North America is about a billion dollars. This is a high magin product and sellers make a huge profit on it. That's a lot of bullshit. When you can make it better yourself at half the price or less.
The boys and girls at the major food companies will not like to see this. Because these rascals have been spinning the bullshit to you for years and making good money doing it.
How to solve this situation. Yes this one can be solved pretty fast too! We can eliminate the bullshit almost immediately with the following simple steps:
- 1. If you are offered some store bought salsa ask the person " Excuse me! Are you stupid!?" and ask them why they don't make it themselves. Offer to show them how. Dump the store bought salsa on the floor. Try to hit a rug.
- 2. If a co-worker's wife offers store bought salsa to you ask her spouse if she is "not the brightest bulb in the bunch". Tell him why. Tell him that you feel sorry for him. Dump the store bought salsa on the floor (rug).
- 3. If you are the boss and an employee offers you store bought salsa the solution is simple. Fire them on the spot! Oh sure there is no sense in being mean about it -if they are good employees let them stew for a couple of days and then invite them back to work - at reduced wages.
- 4. If you go to your boss's home and are offered store bought salsa remark that it "tastes like crap and what is this bullshit?" and explain to him or her that you can make it better! And cheaper! Dump the store bought salsa on the floor. March into the kitchen and start making it. They will be impressed and you will likely get a promotion. People like people who take charge!
If we all did this then within a week there would be no more salsa on the shelves and society would be saving itself about a billion dollars a year. Will it happen? Absolutely not!
Oh, there are some of you who will buy into this plan and start producing large quantities of salsa and then start bottling the stuff and tying calico fabrics around the tops with frilly little ribbons and artistic labels made on your ink jet to use as gifts and items for garage sales. Get a grip! You missed the point! Nobody wants your stinky old salsa! The idea here is that you can make it yourself for home consumption and its FRESH! and you know what's in it. Give it to a friend for Christmas and by the time they get to it- the contents will have slowly rotted and it will taste like crap!
The message here is simply this. Cut the bullshit! Make your own damn salsa. It will be much cheaper, much tastier and much more nutritious than the crap you buy in the store loaded with questionable ingredients that you wouldn't feed your dog. Another reason for doing this is that I suspect some of the salsa out there is being manufactured in China from industrial by products from their lead smelters. Bon appetite!
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